


Hold Me Back

by QueenofCamelot



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 20:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13865328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofCamelot/pseuds/QueenofCamelot
Summary: In which various things go wrong, and Hux learns just how affectionate Ren can be.





	Hold Me Back

**Author's Note:**

> The fic's title is based on the song "Hold Me Back" by The Rubens. 
> 
> This fic is set between TFA and TLJ.
> 
> A huge thanks to ballvvasher for beta'ing this fic!

Hux was having one of the worst days of his career. When he’d first awoken, the day was promising. He’d received an adequate amount of sleep for once, received no comms during the night, and Millicent had rubbed up against him when he gave her a pat as opposed to her usual hisses of aggression.

But that had all ended when he’d dressed and left his chambers. He’d taken two steps out of his door before he was stopped by the call of his name. He turned to see Lieutenant Mitaka hurrying over to him, meek and uncertain.

“Sir, we had another last night.”

“Another what?” Hux asked tersely. He didn’t like Mitaka’s tone. He was an efficient lieutenant, but a terrible liar.

“Defection. A stormtrooper sir.”

Hux sighed in exasperation.

He really thought his last speech had drilled into their heads how miserable their lives would be if the Rebellion took hold of the galaxy. Or of how quickly they’d be eliminated if they were caught deserting the cause.

If he ever came across FN-2187, or the pilot he escaped with, he’d make them wish they’d never been conceived.

“How did they escape?” he asked.

“Well, the stormtrooper disguised herself as a maintenance worker to get access to the escape pods. Then she shot everyone in sight once they realised who she was.”

For fuck’s sake, it had essentially been child’s play for her to escape. He would have to station more soldiers at the escape pods. They were already low enough on resources as it was, given the Starkiller failure.

He took a deep breath. “Were there any casualties?”

“A few of the actual maintenance workers. Junior officer Dango and petty officer Thanisson are in the medbay, but they should be alright.”

Fuck! Maintenance workers were easily replaced, but good officers were hard to come by.

“What is the extent of the damage?”

“You’d better come see for yourself.”

What Hux did see made him want to throw himself out the ship’s airlock. Several systems were out of repair and the floor was covered in shards of glass and stains of blood. It looked like the aftermath of one of Ren’s temper tantrums. His only consolation was that it wasn’t his job to clean it all.

“You,” he barked at an idle junior officer. The officer jumped to attention. “Go fetch the stormtrooper on sanitation duty.”

The officer saluted. “Yes sir.”

Considering the matter dealt with, he made his way to the bridge. _The day will improve from here on out_ , he told himself. He would think of an irrefutable way to prevent further defections, and it will never be an issue again.

A harsher speech would be a great place to start.

Or perhaps he could create a simulation of a world where the rebellion won the war. Let them see exactly how miserable their lives would be.

He was so absorbed in coming up with the perfect way to stop defections, that he didn’t notice the mouse-droid racing towards him. One second he was upright, the next he was falling face first into the floor. The only thing worse than the pain in his knees was the subsequent snickering. Getting up immediately, face as red as his hair, he glared at everyone on the bridge. They all turned back to whatever they’d been doing. A wise choice on their part; he never let his blaster out of his sight.

“Are you okay, Sir?” Phasma was the only one with the gall to ask. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was smiling under that helmet.

“I’m fine,” he spat. “Someone have that mouse droid incinerated.”

A few more stormtroopers were sent for, and the mouse droid was no more. However, it still wasn’t enough to wipe away the memory of Hux’s subordinates snickering.

He tried to console himself with the fact that it wasn’t the worst day of his life. As a child he had spent cycles upon cycles locked in his father’s cellar without food. Brendol used to say: _“Only the strong survive. It’s a miracle you’ve lived this long.”_ Hux parroted the mocking axiom back to him moments before he killed him.

There was also the Starkiller Base incident. He’d placed all his hopes into his weapon, only for it to blow up, quite literally, in his face. Not to mention, Ren had been seriously injured and he’d had to personally retrieve him. It was the most humiliating defeat in his career and was an unfathomable loss of resources and manpower.

So yes, his day could be a lot worse.

Of course, despite it not being Hux’s worst day ever, just one more thing had to go wrong. He was in the middle of reading reports on his datapad when the screen flashed black. No matter how many times he stabbed his finger on the screen to activate it, it would not respond. He was so frustrated he almost threw it across the room. But he had more self-control than that. Instead, he took it out on the stormtrooper who came to collect it for repairs.

“If this isn’t fixed by morning, both you and the person whose job it is to fix it, will be sent to the detention level. Understand?”

The stormtrooper saluted, hand shaking as he did so. “Yes, sir.”

There went his plans to read reports all night. He supposed he could borrow a datapad, but he really wasn’t in the mood to do anything any longer.

Given all these misadventures, it was no wonder that Hux was fuming by the time he reached his room, at the end of his work cycle. He stabbed his access code into the panel beside the door, then, headed straight to the liquor cabinet. His choices were limited given he hadn’t been planetside in quite a few months, but anything would do at this point. He was so focused on deciding which drink would numb him the fastest, that he didn’t even notice anyone was in the room until he heard a familiar: “You’ve kept me waiting, General.”

Without turning around, he snarled, “go away.”

“Without what I came for?” the intruder asked.

Hux grabbed a bottle of Corellian whiskey from the cabinet and turned to face his unwelcome guest. Kylo Ren smirked at him, shameless. He was lounging on Hux’s bed, mask-less and shirtless, as if such a thing would entice Hux. He regretted – well at least tonight he did – giving Ren unlimited access to his room.

“Not tonight,” Hux insisted. Last night had been different. Last night he had been riding off the high of detecting and executing a rebel spy. Last night he had not been made a fool of during what should have been a normal workday.

Hux watched warily as Ren sat up and slid off the bed. He walked up to Hux until there was a hand's-breadth between them, his dark eyes never leaving Hux’s. His breath was hot, and made Hux shiver.

“Are you sure about that?” Ren whispered into his ear. "You’d be surprised how convincing I can be.”

Hux shook his head, putting his hand on Ren’s chest. As much as Ren was pushing his limits right now, he couldn’t find it within himself to walk away. “Tomorrow night. I…I’m busy tonight.”

Ren tilted his head in the direction of the bottle Hux was gripping tightly. “Clearly."

Hux cradled the bottle to his chest defensively. “I do not need to justify my habits to anyone. Least of all you.”

Ren sighed, taking a few steps back. As much as Hux hated to admit it, the air felt colder without Ren looming in his presence. “Well if you’re not going to have sex with me, you might as well share whatever that is.” Without any sort of warning the bottle flew from out of Hux’s hands into Ren’s waiting ones.

“Excuse me,” Hux growled. “I used my own credits to purchase that. Give it back at once.”

He fucking hated the Force, and Ren’s flippant use of it. Ren shrugged and then walked back over to the bed, uncorking the bottle and tipping it into his mouth.

Hux stormed over to Ren, who by this time had sat down and was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He passed the bottle back to Hux, grimacing. “This is disgusting. What is it?”

“It’s called having taste,” Hux informed him, taking a seat beside him on the bed and downing a swig. It tasted bitter and citrusy, just the way he liked it. “Not that you would know what having taste is.”

“If the only way to have taste is to willingly drink bantha piss, I think I’ll pass.”

“If you’re not going to drink all my alcohol then leave.” Hux snapped, pointing to the doorway. Could he not have one moment of peace today?

Ren smirked. “My offer for sex still stands.”

“Does it look like my mood has changed in the five minutes you’ve spent invading my personal space?”

“Hux are you…”

“Get out,” Hux said. He could feel a pressure bubbling up in him, a tightening in his throat. He didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted to drink in peace and forget today had ever happened. He couldn’t do that with Ren invading his personal space.

“But Hux.”

“Just go!” The remaining vestiges of Hux’s patience left him.

He wanted to be like Ren, to be able to pull his gun out and just shoot everything and anything, with no regard for credits lost or the need for repairs. To just relish in the satisfaction that comes with destroying something. To let his emotions run unbounded. To be furious and _to let it show._

But of course, he couldn’t do that. It was mad to consider it.

Ren didn’t move. He stared at Hux, brow furrowed. Hux stared back, certain his face was a blotchy red.

“Hux…are you alright?” he asked quietly.

Fuck, he must look awful if Ren was being _nice_ to him.

“Why not just read my mind like you do everyone else?” Hux said, exasperated.

“I’m saving my effort for more important things.”

“Like what? Badgering me for sex in my quarters?”

Ren gritted his teeth. “Just answer the question.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

Before Hux had finished the sentence, Ren shook his head.

“No, no you’re not.”

Infuriated to be told how he felt, even if it were true, he got up from the bed and stood in front of Ren, staring him down. Ren stood up too. It riled Hux to no end that Ren was just that little bit taller than him.

“You have not the slightest inkling of how I feel,” Hux seethed. “Since when do you give a damn about my feelings anyway?”

Ren looked lost for a moment, as if he himself didn’t know the answer. Then he growled, “I don’t. I just want to know why I’m missing out on a good fuck tonight.”

“Well, you can die in suspense then.”

“Tell me what happened,” Ren demanded.

“Nothing happened!” Hux insisted, glaring at him. “Why don’t we talk about your day instead? How many consoles did you destroy today?”

Ren huffed. “For your information, I did some practice with the praetorian guards, beat them all, seven against one.”

Hux was impressed but tried not to show it. “No destroyed consoles? Which god do I have to thank?”

Ren’s hands balled into fists. “You act like I destroy things all the time.”

“Because you do!”

“Only when things go wrong.”

“Well that explains it! Things go wrong everyday in this godforsaken place!”

The tightness in Hux’s throat was almost unbearable now. He was surprised his breathing was still functional.

“For fuck’s sake Hux,” Ren yelled. “What. Happened?”

Ren really wasn’t going to let up. He was much too worked up for that to be even a possibility.

“If I tell you, will you calm down and go away?” Hux hissed.

Ren nodded.

“Fine! Anything to get you out of my sight,” Hux conceded.

He had no idea why Ren was being so persistent about this. The only logical conclusion he could come to was that Ren was seeking out Hux’s weaknesses for the purpose of exploitation. However, that could more easily be achieved by reading Hux’s mind. Ren was truly a puzzle Hux could never hope to solve.

“It truly is nothing. Nothing that will affect me come tomorrow, in any case,” Hux told him. Ren just stared at him, waiting for Hux to continue.

Knowing the conversation they were about to have may be lengthy given Ren’s obtrusive nature, he sat down. Ren slumped beside him on the bed, sitting so close that their shoulders almost touched. Hux was disturbed to find that he actually didn’t want to move away. He was too tired to move, that must be it. Anything else would be…well it was better not to consider other possibilities.

“Well?” Ren asked. His voice still had an aggravated edge to it, but Hux was no longer concerned he was going to whip out his lightsaber unexpectedly and destroy all of Hux’s possessions.

“Another stormtrooper defected and my datapad broke. Are you satisfied?” Hux scowled. He chose to omit details about the mouse droid – Ren didn’t need to know about that.

As expected, Ren was not satisfied.

“But that’s Phasma’s fault, not yours,” Ren refuted. “Isn’t reconditioning her area?”

“Yes,” Hux said. “But the stormtrooper program was my father’s idea and it was functioning perfectly fine until FN-2187’s defection.” Until I took over, he didn’t say.

Hux could see his father now, sneering down at him. The blue eyes he inherited from him, cold as ice. _“I knew Rae Sloane was wrong about you, Armitage,”_ came the haunting reprimand. _“You are weak and useless. And now my legacy has paid the price for it.”_

“So? That’s two out of the thousands of stormtroopers we have,” Ren said, completely missing the point.

“We’ve had five this month, and god knows how many more there will be before the year is out.”

“So, fix it,” Ren suggested, as if it were just that easy.

“How do you suppose I do that?” Hux asked dryly.

“Create a clone army. Clones won’t have the will to defect.”

“Ren,” Hux spluttered. “We’ve already been through this. I’m not going to explain to you why that’s a terrible idea all over again. You certainly didn’t listen to me last time.”

“You didn’t listen to me either,” Ren retorted. “Well I don’t know then. I’m sure you’ll think of something, even if clones are the best solution to your problem.”

“Of course I will,” Hux snapped. “I just…I’m sick of failing.”

His head fell into his hands.

It seemed everything he touched was destined to crumble, as if Brendol had cursed him somehow from the afterlife.

Ever since Starkiller Base had exploded, he had undergone double the required shifts, robbed himself of sleep night and night again, all to prove he was worth something. To be known for something other than a failed weapon, a weapon that the First Order would likely erase from their history altogether. Yet, he could hardly keep his own soldiers in line.

He knew last night’s defection would not be the last. The power he held was slipping through his fingers. Who knew how long it’d be before other structures of power in the First Order began to collapse too. He couldn’t go back to being a pawn, _he wouldn’t._

Maybe his father was right, maybe he was weak, maybe he was…

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the strangest sensation. A peculiar kind of heavy warmth around his middle, and what felt like a chin resting on his shoulder, hair tickling Hux’s neck.

He looked up astonished to find Ren with his arms around him.

“What are you doing?” Hux’s voice shook.

Ren said nothing. His face was so close to Hux’s that he could hear his shallow breathing, hot in his ear.

What in all the galaxy had possessed Ren to take this course of action? Never before had Ren been done something like this. Every touch Hux had experienced from Ren had been rough - a bite to the neck, a yank of his hair, the hard press of his body – nothing like this. Nothing so...gentle.

More concerning than Ren’s strange actions was the fact Hux didn’t want to pull back. That he…liked this gentleness. Here, with Ren, perhaps things were not as bad as they seemed, like he could pull back and forget Starkiller Base ever happened. Perhaps if he stayed in this space, nothing could harm him. It was utter madness, yet Hux couldn’t make himself move away.

It ended up being Ren who pulled back, seeming reluctant in his slowness. Sheepish, as if what he’d done had been forbidden.

Hux was horrified at the feelings that surfaced looking at Ren’s face. He wanted to pull him in for another hug. To _kiss_ him, just because he can, the prospect of fucking the farthest from his mind.

Hux hardened. This needed to stop. It didn’t matter how much Ren’s stupid smirk made his heart falter, or how whole he felt being in his arms. He had promised himself long ago that if he were to ever become emperor, he could not afford to have any weaknesses. He had seen officers twisted by loss, unable to focus, unable to focus on their work when their loved one had passed.

His imagination ran wild. Visions of Ren broken and bleeding in the snow, just like on Starkiller Base. Only instead of sneering at Ren’s pitiful state, he clutched at Ren’s robes and begged for Ren to stay with him. If he let Ren in, there may come a time when he wouldn’t care about his father’s legacy, his future, or the First Order. Just Ren. And _that_ was dangerous.

Hux could not let that happen, not when he had control over his heart.

He swallowed hard, turning away from Ren, pushing down the feelings desperately trying to make themselves known. “Good night, Ren.”

“Hux,” Ren said softly. “I just wanted to…”

“Go.”

Unlike his earlier attempts to convince him, this time Ren actually listened. _Good._ But just as he reached the door, Ren turned back, his hand hesitating over the switch. Ren stared dolefully back at Hux, and Hux wanted more than anything to call him back – to hug him like Ren had hugged him. Anything to wipe that look off Ren’s face.

Ren turned back to the switch, shoulders hunched.

“Oh fuck it,” Hux said.

Before Ren could even turn back around, Hux was running towards him. He turned around just in time to catch Hux in his arms. Hux threw his arms around Ren’s waist and pressed his face into the warmth of Ren’s neck. They held each other so tightly it almost hurt, as if this was their last moment together, as if the ship was going to explode in any second.

Hux knew this couldn’t possibly end well, that this could easily be the prelude to his downfall. But here in this doomed embrace, warm and safe, Ren smiling down at Hux– Hux had never seen him smile before- he couldn’t find it within himself to care.

He raised one hand to Ren’s cheek and kissed him softly. Ren kissed him back, sweet and insistent, hands trailing down Hux’s back.

Hux’s day had been awful, no question about it. But his night, well, it looked like this may be one of his best.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> Fun Fact: This fic originally had an angsty ending.


End file.
